Have you ever gone into prayer asking for God (or your higher power) to pull you out of some situation, circumstance, mentality, behavior or relationship? The answer is probably yes, and I too know this prayer very well. There has been so many times, I’ve went into prayer asking, demanding and begging God to “pull me out of THIS, and I promise to never be, in THAT ever again.” God would then strip me naked. I literally looked at myself naked in the mirror, feeling ugly, worthless, exhaled and surrendered. Singing, more like sobbing in the shower “God, I give myself away, so you can use me. I'm ready.” I cried. I yelled. I screamed. I was silent…. AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN!
I’ve been known to be strong, courageous, a go-getter, depressed, anxious, an alpha-female, the backbone, the friend you depend on to listen, the person you can call on to get you through or out of something, the caring and loving confidant, the “let me call Tee because I know she knows the answer”, the ass-hole, the smart-ass, the narcissist, the selfish bitch, the too smart for your own good, the you think your shit don’t stink, the too busy to show interest, the stop letting people run over you, the emotional roller coaster, the ambitious, the “why are you so good to me”, dope ass WOMAN!
Often, we are running on this hamster wheel of life. Our destination is sometimes a blur and ultimately, it is what we make of it. We pride ourselves in being 'independent' to the eyes of the world, but behind closed doors we have become 'dependent' on someone or something. We may fall victim to a dream we have chased for far too long, a relationship at a dead-end, a career where we are not evolving, a friendship that no longer aligns with our maturation, a mentality that stunts our growth or simply being a victim of our condition. In these moments, is when God strips us naked. He allows us to suffer, be bitter, be mad, be sad, be angry, frustrated, upset with ourselves and with those in the world around us. We may become lost. We may feel at our lowest. We may fall into the “woe is me” mindset, and in those very moments of NAKEDNESS, we become vulnerable. I’ve known vulnerability, have you?
During my periods of nakedness, at various ages in my life, I was molested, raped, pimped out, addicted to cybersex, promiscuous, cheated on, bullied, humiliated and suicidal. My nakedness brought about hair-loss, diagnoses of depression, anxiety, weight gain, weight loss, pettiness, cyst in my ankle and bursitis of the hip. I changed careers. I became a wiser woman. I failed. I succeeded. I loss friendships. I’ve been broke. I’ve gone hungry. I’ve been broken. I’ve been lonely. After two failed marriages to two affair having wives, who I still have the utmost respect for as now friends, I walked away bitter but realized I’m much better. I’ve been jealous and insecure. I’ve learned that I had my own hang-ups and behaviors that played into them seeking others. It’s wasn’t ALWAYS them, it was me TOO! I am forever grateful for God stripping me naked, because it forced me to learn what it meant for TEE to be WHOLE. I learned how to practice self-care and pour something amazing into myself and others.
When everything and everyone, I THOUGHT I needed to be happy, to feel joy and be proud was taken away from me or removed from my life, God revealed to me SELF-love. I was left naked with my thoughts, feelings, emotions, pride and a moment or months, even years to SELF-reflect. In these moments, I became WEAK, but I learned how to become STRONG. I learned how to become ok with being silent and listening to my inner voice, God and the universe. I found peace within my soul and then and only then, could I learn how to be peace for others. I evolved. I forgave. I aligned. I became FREE!
My question to you is, what will YOU do and who will YOU become after your period of NAKEDNESS?
#SHAMEFREED a straight up, no chaser self-reflection blog by Tanesha ‘TEE’ Welch …… Comments appreciated.
Be Blessed. Be Empowered.
TEE