I once thought I knew what love and happiness was, until what I thought it was, showed differently. I've looked for validation from others for so long, that when I tried to look within myself, it was hard to recognize.
Have you ever been in a relationship or on a job that you thought was perfect? That is until you were no longer in it, and suddenly God released joy and happiness into your spirit. I mean out of nowhere, I felt something that I don't think I ever felt before and it was a beautiful feeling. Don't get me wrong, I've been in situations where I felt happy before, but it was happiness for the moment and experience. I now understand, it wasn't because of the person. Have you ever been afraid to walk away, step out of something, let go of something, try something new, or felt STUCK? Maybe it would take for that something or someone to walk away from you, then you are forced to RELEASE and REFLECT. Don't, for whatever reason, beg it or them to come back. I PROMISE it gets better!
There is joy and happiness on the other side of comfort and complacency. I remember so vividly feeling alone, although my significant other was sitting right beside me. It was as if I would look at her, and I didn't see or feel the woman I fell in love with, the only thing I could see and feel was the thought of her and the other woman. I knew too often that, that was not joy, happiness or love, but I wouldn't let up. I was comfortable, I was complacent, I was insecure, I didn't know what BETTER looked or felt like. When she left me, and remained with the mistress turned BAE, I felt like any other woman would, "bitter, hurt, angry." But that eventually would pass and I realized our season simply was over long before mistresses, cheating, lust and affairs. I had all the time in the world to look within, sitting alone, in a house that we once shared. I found ME! I found self-love and happiness within. But there was STILL no JOY!
"Have you leaned on prayer lately?" I heard my inner- voice ask me. Although I pray often, it had been a while since I leaned heavily on prayer. Specific prayer, speaking and sharing specific things. Airing my dirty laundry to God and the universe, righting my wrongs and and reflecting on the progress I thought I had made versus what had actually come to fruition. So, I began to lean on prayer, just praying and talking to God and the universe. Months later, out of nowhere God said you've been obedient, you've learned what you need to do differently, you understand what you deserve and what others deserve from you and BOOM, my prayers were answered.
Joy and happiness was planted in my spirit, when I released and let go of my past and all that I thought I needed. It was planted long ago and is planted in all of us. We tend to allow people, places and things to mask our joy and happiness. The seed is deeply rooted but may be sitting in bad soil, its roots tampered with and stagnant from growth. Joy and happiness is on the other side of comfort and complacency. I literally had to hurt, take a few L's, switch up on myself and a few others, and take ownership to allow my joy and happiness to sprout again!
I also found Joy and Happiness in a person other than myself. Keep watering your soul and and be prepared for what flourishes. SHE is a calming spirit. SHE is humor and laughter. SHE is down to earth. SHE is peace. SHE calls me beautiful, gorgeous and amazing - 3 ways to compliment me that all sound so foreign, never before expressed so passionately. SHE is fun and a breath of fresh air on the beach at sunset (literally). SHE is a smile on the rooftop, when times have been difficult. SHE is JOY, SHE is HAPPINESS! God and the universe planted her presence in my life when I was in a very dark place. I pushed her away initially because although our connection made sense, it wouldn't make sense to others. Like a magnet, she found a way to return to my heart after pushing her away weeks prior. Reintroduced to each other after an almost 8+ years hiatus, we've learned we are both completely different people then in the past, evolved and aligned. Our purpose in each other lives is unknown, be it for a long haul or a few seasons, but we are exactly what is needed. The right connection, the wrong initial introduction. "Lets just live in the moment and allow our seeds of joy + happiness to saturate."
Sometimes you have to thank God for the detour instead of being angry and disappointed. The stall may have occurred because you needed to build up your confidence after giving up on yourself. The stall and detour gave you time to learn how to depend on yourself for the love and laughter you seek, instead of depending on others. I urge you to find the seeds of Joy & Happiness planted in your spirit so long ago. Once you find it, and once you embrace it, you will then find so much Joy & Happiness in others that deserve your presence, and you theirs.
Journal Topic Suggestion: What does joy & happiness look and feel like to you? When was the last time you felt joy or happiness? What were you doing? Who were you with? How do you continue to plant seeds of joy and happiness in your life? How can you be joy and happiness to others?
Be Blessed, Be Empowered!